


Is It Raining Where You Live?

by ramenboikay



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Internet Friends, M/M, Rain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:19:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8235871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramenboikay/pseuds/ramenboikay
Summary: Josh and Tyler used to be friends. But when he was 13 Tyler moved off to London and Josh moved to LA, and he and Josh lost all contact. But one day Josh starts chatting with one of his favorite tumblr blogs. Who knows where this relationship might go?





	1. Chapter 1

California is always hot. Even in the middle of October it was hot. It was Fall for Christ's sake, can't we just get a bit of actually cool weather? But no. Practically month after month it's summer. The heat was cool for a while, coming from a place like Columbus Ohio, but now it's just plain annoying. If there's one thing I miss more than leaving my best friend in Ohio, it's the rain. Columbus never really got a ton of rain but compared to LA, Columbus seems like the rain capitol of the world. 

I love the cold seasons. Fall, Winter, hell like half of Spring is rainy so I'll count it. But when every season is just summer, get me the fuck out. The sun can burn out for all I care. As long as the clouds and the cold stay I'll be good. I just want it to be hoodie season. I need it to actual feel like Fall when it's Fall.

I stared out the window of my math class as I though about all this. Math was my last class of the day at Regional High School. Math is dumb if you ask me. I'm not planning on doing anything with it in my future, so why does the educational system demand I take this hell class. I still care about my grades though. So even though I hate math I have a B in the class. I mean, why would I want to spend my time on math when I could be on tumblr, or playing drums, or getting in more work hours at Guitar Center. Real valuable things.

"Now can anyone tell me how we can find the slope of this equation?" my teacher spoke. I internally groaned. 

"Josh!" she said. I whipped my head around to look at her. Shit, I hadn't been paying attention at all. I glanced at the whiteboard with the equation written on it. I knew the material but being put on the spot like this made my anxiety freak out. My brain blanked and I just sat there silent.

"BBRRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGG!" Lucky for me the bell had come to rescue me before I could perpetually embarrass myself in front of everyone. "Okay everyone! Don't forget to complete problems three through twenty one in your Geometry book on page forty two!" said the teacher even though students were already rushing out the door of the classroom. I was finally free for today. I slung my black backpack over my shoulder and swiftly left the classroom ready to start my trek home in the heat.

As I walked out into the hallway though I was met by my friend Brendon. "Spooky! Hey man!" Brendon was always overly excited. Honestly he was most likely high. Brendon was always on something. He also always insisted on calling me by what he had dubbed my rockstar name, Spooky Jim. "Hey Beebo, how's it hangin?" "Not bad Spooky Jim! You walking home today?" Brendon always had to be in on people's business. "Yeah," I responded "why do you ask?" "Well," he stated "The clique and I were thinking about going out to Taco Bell. You down?"

I stood there like a deer in headlights. I hadn't been to Taco Bell since I was thirteen. I used to love going there when I was younger. Tyler and I would spend every afternoon there getting lunch. But not now. I couldn't go back to Taco Bell and not have Tyler there. Just the mention of tacos made me think of him. I know it's been years since I've seen or heard from him. I know I should've gotten over him by this point but I just can't. He probably forgot about me years ago. I just can't let the though of him go.

"Dude?" Brendon's voice interrupts my thoughts. I must have zoned out again. "U-uh, no man I'll pass. I-i've got like homework and, uh, stuff." I responded, suddenly finding my shoes very interesting. "Well, suit yourself," said Brendon "I'll tell the guys you'll come next time." "Yeah, yeah. Okay." I mumbled. Without another word I strolled off down the hallway leaving Brendon in the dust.

Eventually I made my way out of the school and onto the sidewalk on the way to my house. Even though California is hot, Fall still looks like Fall. As I strolled down the street I noticed the brown, yellow, and various other colored leaves scattered all over the ground around me. I smiled to myself as I ran a hand through my bright red died hair. My school had a stupid no hat rule, except for sports, because hats like snapbacks could mean you were in a gang. It was so stupid. If I had it my way I'd wear my snapbacks to school, and I'd wear them backwards. That'd give the teachers a heart attack. I sighed to myself.

As I continued my journey home I pulled my phone out of my pocket and plugged in my earbuds. I loved traveling and listening to music at the same time. For me, walking almost becomes an involuntary action. Even though I'm here on earth and walking, I feel like I'm somewhere else entirely. I'm completely focused on the music and the story it has to tell. I could feel the beat of the bass and the drums flowing through my heart. Deep within my veins I felt the words. The melody of the music overtook my mind and became my brainwaves. 

Finally I found myself on the front steps of my porch. I took my key out of my backpack and unlocked the front door. "I'm home!" I called out as I entered. My sister Ashley came running down the stairs and into my arms. "JJJJIIIIIIISSSSSHHHH!" She screamed as she ran. She squeezed me tightly. "Well someone's in a good mood today." I said, smiling to myself. Ashley smiled and nodded into my chest. "Mom home?" I asked "Mmhhmm!" Ashley responded, finally pulling away from me. "She should be in the kitchen." "Cool thanks Ash."I smiled as I ruffled her hair and walked off towards the kitchen. "Hey mom!" I greated. She was currently working on preparing dinner, chopping carrots for some sort of stew most likely. "Hi Josh!" she smiled as she continued chopping. "Good day at school?" "Yeah thanks." I said. She nodded and hummed to herself. "I'm going to go work on homework, K mom?" I said. "Okay honey, work hard." She joked. I just smiled and left the room.

I headed up to my room and threw my backpack on my bed. I wasn't ready to start homework just yet. I deserved some me time first. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and plugged it into the wall. I then proceeded to sit down at my desk and opened up tumblr on my computer. Can you blame me though, honestly? I scrolled through my dashboard for a few minutes before deciding to check up on some of my favorite blogs. I went to my favorite band pages first, classic, and then decided to check my favorite blog.

This blog wasn't anything extraordinary, but to me it was the world. They had the perfect aesthetic, the perfect humor, the perfect rebloggable posts. Most people wouldn't have given the blog a second glance, but in reality this was a goldmine. This person, whoever they were, always managed to make my day. They made me smile, their writing made me laugh, but what really made their blog great was their music.

The author of this blog posts audio files once in a while of them singing usually covers of songs, but also occasional original pieces. The voice of this person was electric and smooth all at the same time. They would sing their heart out while playing what sounded like ukulele music. But what made these songs truly amazing was the fact that the artist recorded them live outside while it was raining. Every cover included the sounds of rain in the background. The fact that the rain and the singing and the ukulele was all live made me feel like I was actually there as I listened to the beautiful music.

The runner of the blog went by the username blurryfaced-pilot, and I had fallen in love with them. I didn't know what they looked like, or their name, or their true personality, or gender orrientation. I had fallen in love with them just because of their music and their blog. Their voice sounded male but I don't like assuming people's gender. I laughed silently to myself as I realized how silly it sounded to say I was practically in love with a blog.

I scrolled down their page seeing if they had posted anything new that day, and to my surprise there was a new audio file. I dropped everything, metaphorically, and hit play. This was all I lived for in life. My mind raced as I anticipated what this file could possibly hold.

The first thing I heard was the rain. The beautiful glorious rain. And then... their voice.

"Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you."

I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes. Nice job on being such a tough-guy Josh, I thought to myself.

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin. If I can't help falling in love with you?"

Their voice went too well with this song. I couldn't fight it anymore, my eyes were running with tears. Their voice was so beautiful, and the rain that went with it complemented the song perfectly. I felt as if I had reached nirvana. I closed my eyes as I continued to listen to the song. Tears continued to run down my cheeks.

After they sang the last line of the song, they started giggling. I could practically hear them smiling to themselves. "Thank you." they said. And the track ended.

I opened my eyes and grabbed the box of tissues. I took a tissue out of the box and quickly dried my eyes which were now puffy and red from all the crying. I really shouldn't get this emotional over a stupid cover of a song. I really shouldn't be in love with a blog.

I outwardly sighed to myself. I had to do it this time. I've listened to so many audio files by this blog and never once have I messaged them. It's finally time I do something about that.

I made my way back up to the home page of the blog and clicked the message button.

"Hi," I typed. No, no. That sounds dumb. I quickly deleted it and typed "Hey." Much more casual, good job Josh, be smooth.

"So I know you probably get messages like these a lot but I really love your blog. I've been following you for a while now and I love everything about your blog. I love your aesthetic and your humor, and can I just say your voice is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Sorry this probably sounds really cringey. Your ukulele playing is amazing and I love how real your performances are. Honestly your latest cover of I Can't Help Falling in Love With You made me more than tear up. Sorry I sound like such an obsessive fanboy but I love your work. Thanks, Josh, aka spooky-jishwa."

I totally nailed that.

I had spent enough time on tumblr for now, time to get back to reality. Homework, school, responsibilities. Life is so enjoyable.

As I pulled away from my computer though I couldn't stop thinking about blurryfaced-pilot, hoping that they would respond back.

I sound like an actual five year old with a crush. Uhg.


	2. Chapter 2

I worked on homework for over two hours before my mom finally called me down for dinner. I had barely gone through three classes worth of homework. No matter how hard I tried to study for my upcoming tests or solve slope equations, my mind kept drifting back to the message I had sent blurryfaced-pilot. Had I phrased it correctly? Did I come off too strongly? Would they even see my message and respond to me? Questions plagued my mind and I could feel myself slipping farther away from my homework and farther into my tumblr blog fantasies.

"Josh honey! Come down for dinner! The stew is ready!" My mother had called up the stairs. I knew Ashley, Abigail, and Jordan were probably already waiting for me at the table so I swiftly stood up and rushed down stairs. Strolling into the dinning room, as expected my siblings were already seated. My mother passed out bowls of her delicious stew. I carefully sat down at my usual seat at the end of the table and got ready to dive in. "Grace first!" Jordan reminded me, jokingly elbowing me in the ribs. I laughed as my mom sat down at the table and we all held hands in a circle, closing our eyes.

As usual my mother lead us in grace. "Dear heavenly father, we thank you for this food and for a roof over our heads. We pray that we all grow to live long and happy lives. Thank you for the gifts you have bestowed upon us savior. In your son Jesus name we pray, Amen." "Amen." we all responded. Opening our eyes we all dove straight into our food. "This is great mom! Thanks so much!" Ashley said, smiling. "It's no problem Ash, I'm glad you like it!" My mother smiled lovingly back at my sister. "It's a shame dad couldn't be here tonight." Abigail stated, frowning slightly and she stirred her spoon around in her broth. "Honey you know your father works hard, and because of that he has to stay there late sometimes." my mother turned her focus towards Abby now, her expression becoming one of pity and concern. Abby just sighed and didn't say any more on the subject.

My mother coughed, facing me now. "So Josh, what did you do today?" "Oh, uhm," I started "Well I-" and that's when it happened. Before I left my room I had shoved my phone back into my pocket, and in the process of doing so I must have flipped it's switch and the sound was now on. Mid sentence my phone decided to get a notification and go off during dinner. Jordan exhaled and coughed slightly, trying to hold in his laughter. "Josh honey, I thought we said no phones during dinner!" My mother's eyes piercing into mine. "I-I'm sorry, I, uh... thought that my sound was off. Huh, uh, guess not. I'm sorry mom let me get that."

The only intention I had was to flip the switch on my phone and turn the sound off. But when I pulled out my phone I saw the notification and nearly had a heart attack. "One new tumblr notification: Message from blurryfaced-pilot."

If I could describe my current emotions in a tumblr textpost it might go a bit like this:  
Me: *messages tumblr senpai*  
Me: *spends hours anticipating the moment when they message me back*  
Senpai: Hi.  
Me: *INTENSE HEAVY BREATHING AND SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS*

I stared down at my phone screen for one too many seconds too long. "Josh? You good bro?" Abby said, raising one eyebrow at me. My head shot up as my finger quickly flipped the switch turning the sound on my phone off. I shoved the phone back into my pocket as quickly as I possibly could. "MMmmHmm up UP j-Just fINe!" I said, hopefully convincingly enough to fool them. "EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE, HHHHHNNNNNNGGGGG!" screamed my brain. "Okay, if you say so."Jordan said scoffing and smirking at me.

Dinner continued to go by without me saying another word. I ate and slurped down my stew as fast as humanly possible. "Josh honey? Do you want more? You seem awfully hungry?" My mother asked with concern. "MMhhhMhMhMh NOOP NOP i am SooOO gOOD! JUST, uh...uh, GoT some more, HOMEWORK! YUP! GOTTA BLAST!" I laughed and spoke, extremely nervously. "Alright hon!" my mother smiled returning her gaze back to her own stew. I quickly got up out of my chair and rushed to the kitchen, loading my dishes in the dishwasher, before sprinting up the stairs. 

I got to my room and slammed the door. I rushed over to my desk and flung my computer open. I opened up tumblr and got to my messages faster than ever before. There was the chat between me and blurryfaced-pilot.

"So I know you probably get messages like these a lot but I really love your blog. I've been following you for a while now and I love everything about your blog. I love your aesthetic and your humor, and can I just say your voice is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Sorry this probably sounds really cringey. Your ukulele playing is amazing and I love how real your performances are. Honestly your latest cover of I Can't Help Falling in Love With You made me more than tear up. Sorry I sound like such an obsessive fanboy but I love your work. Thanks, Josh, aka spooky-jishwa."

"Hey Josh! Can I call you Jish? That sounds hella cute :3 I'm Ty! Just wanted to say thank you so much! I actually don't get messages like this a lot. I really didn't know I had people that were such big fans of my work! It means a TON to me! Also I don't think my blog is goals or anything honestly, and I'm sorry if I really did make you cry. You're making me blush way too much though with all of these compliments! Thank you so much again! Much love and blushes, Ty, aka blurryfaced-pilot. P.S., Love your blog <3."

I stared stunned at the message for a moment before actually heavily breathing and internally screaming while letting out audible squeals.This beautiful creature, this beautiful, probably smol bean child, had just made not only my day but my life. "DID YOU SEE THE EMOTICONS THEY SENT YOU! YOU KNOW THEIR NAME NOW! THEY THOUGHT YOUR NICKNAME WAS CUTE! THEY SAID LOVE! YOU MADE THEM BLUSH! THEY LOVE YOUR BLOG!" My head was bursting with emotions. My body was screaming with joy. I began to audibly go into a full on fit of giggles like a five year old child the first time a kid wants to play with them during kindergarten. I was grinning from ear to ear. This beautiful bean couldn't stop me from smiling.

"I'm getting ahead of myself," I thought "You still don't know their gender, sexual preferences, what they look like, or if Ty is their real name or just a part of their name." Now those thoughts were strong and prominent in my head. But ever louder thoughts were screaming in my head making me unable to hear those thoughts. These thoughts were things like "I BET THEIR EYES ARE HAZLE! MAYBE THEY'RE CHOCOLATEY BROWN! THAT'S SO CUTE! CAN YOU PICTURE THEM BLUSHING! YOU'RE BLUSHING NOW! THEY NOTICED YOU! THEY KNOW YOU EXSIST!"

I was so caught up in the moment I nearly forgot about responding to them. But just what to say? I realized I would have to respond back eventually but I didn't want to screw up and ruin my chances of friendship, or something more even. I couldn't ruin this perfect moment. I have a tendency to screw things up.

I deeply inhaled. I deeply exhaled. And then my inbox pinged again.

I deeply inhaled even more.

"P.P.S. You woke me up at 3 in the morning but it was well worth it to read a message like this <3 ;3"

After reading this I continued to inhale and exhale for several more minutes.

Why did I have to fall in love with a blog. And a flirty one at that.


	3. Chapter 3

What does a person do when their tumblr senpai notices them. Do you respond? Do you wait until the next day before you say anything? If you are to say something what is the first thing you say? Do you go straight in with the "Hello! What's your sexual preference and gender identity? Where on this planet do you live? What color are your eyes? Do you want to meet up sometime? WHAT'S YOUR PASSWORD? CAN I HAVE YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?" Okay, maybe a bit intense. I don't even need half of that information.  
  
I sat at my desk with my head in my hands. I didn't know what to do. Would I seem like an asshole if I didn't respond? Would I seem too desperate if I responded right away? I audibly sighed to myself. I have friends in real life, I shouldn't be acting like such a fanboy over something like this. The person running this blog is just a human being like myself, I need to stop freaking out. I sat up straight, stretching my arms behind the back of my head, curving my spine and hearing it crack. I sat up straight in my chair as I carefully placed my hands on the keyboard of my computer.  
  
"Hi..." No, no, be casual Josh. "Hey Ty! It means a lot to me that you would respond to my message :)" Are smiley faces a bit too creepy and like stalkerish? ":3" Much better. "Thanks for checking out my blog as well! Sorry if I made you blush a bit too much ;3 x Jish aka spooky-jishwa."  
  
Good? Good. Send? Yes. After taking several deep breaths I willed myself to hit the send button. Even after sending the message I still felt frantic as heck. I quickly exited tumblr and finally decided to go back to doing my homework. It's possibly the only way I would be able to get Ty off my mind, even if it's only for a little while. I closed my computer and opened up my backpack pulling out more stupid work. Time to get this show on the road.  
  
"Tyler I don't understand, why London? It's so far away." I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I knew I needed to hold them in, I didn't want to look weak in front of him. "That's just how life goes sometimes Josh. I have to go now okay? Our flight leaves from the airport in an hour or so." Tyler turned his back to me and started to walk away. "WHY DIDN'T YOU BOTHER TO TELL ME UNTIL NOW TYLER!" I shouted at him. I felt the tears slowly drip down my cheeks. Tyler stopped dead in his tracks. He turned towards me, our eyes meeting for only a moment before his flicked downwards. "I-i'm really sorry Josh. I don't like this anymore than you do okay? I just, it's not my choice. You know how my dad is with his job. Yours is the same way man." My eyes now drifted downward. I heard Tyler walking towards me. I felt and hand on my chin, carefully lifting up my head, my tears continued to fall. I looked up, Tyler's eyes longingly gazing into mine. "Josh" Tyler said, staring at me, but I looked away. "I can't do this Tyler, I can't get through this year without you." Tears fell faster now, I couldn't get ahold of my emotions. "Tyler I-i love you, I'm sorry." Tyler froze. I felt him pull his hand away. I heard him take a few steps back. "I have to go." I turned back to face him but it was too late, he was already running in the direction of his mom's car. "TYLER" I called, but he just kept running.  
  
I woke up with a start, pulling my head out of my textbook. I must have fallen asleep while I was working on homework. "Shit," I silently cursed to myself. I rubbed my eyes noticing they were wet from tears. I looked down to see tear stains on my textbook. I rubbed my temples, silently sighing annoyingly to myself. Almost every night when I go to sleep I have dreams of Tyler. I just can't get over him. My mom once suggested I go see a therapist, and that worked for a while. The dreams became less frequent. But when I did have them they were worse than ever before. Some nights I woke up to my mother shaking me, she said that I had been screaming at the top of my lungs, practically crying bloody murder. So I stopped therapy. Now I just have to learn to deal with it.  
  
Tyler was my best friend ever since I started preschool back in Columbus. We did anything and everything together. I'm at the point now in life where I'm not afraid to say that I was most definitely in love with him. But now I'm left with only the memory of him. By this point I think a part of me still loves him, but I don't even know him anymore. It's like a part of me is in love with a figment of imagination. Since he left he never talked to me again. I never knew if he felt the same way or not. I waited months for a call or a text from him, even just a simple letter. But I got a whole bunch of nothing. When my family finally decided to move to LA is when I gave up hope that I would ever hear from him again.  
  
I curled my legs up into my chest on the chair, nuzzling my head into my knees. "Get your shit together Josh." I whispered to myself. I heard my door squeak open and I quickly looked up. "Hey Joshy?" I turned my head to see my mom standing in the doorway. "You doing okay honey? It's 12:30 at night and I saw that your lights were still on. You doing okay?" "Oh, uh hey mom," I said "Yeah I'm good, I swear. I just fell asleep studying again." My mom raised an eyebrow in my direction. I carefully wiped my hands under my eyes, making sure there were no more tears. "Tyler?" she asked. I froze. I couldn't say anything. Around a month ago I had told her that the dreams had stop, but that had been a lie. My mom walked over and carefully put her arms around my shoulders. "They never stopped did they..." I shook my head. My mother sighed, "I'm sorry Josh, I really hoped that they had gone away. After Tyler moved away I thought if we moved too that would help you get over him." "It's okay mom, you did all you could." I leaned into her arms. She leaned down to kiss the top of my head,"Go to sleep love." And with that she turned away and left the room.  
  
After she closed the door I made my way over to my bed. I made sure my phone was plugged in first before removing my pants, turning off my lights, and flopping down onto my bed in only my shirt and boxers. I stared up into the empty dark void of my ceiling. There were days when I was younger where I used to have those plastic glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. There were nights when Tyler and I had sleepovers at my house, we both slept in my bed as I was lucky enough to have a queen sized bed. We would stare off into the glowing stars and imagine that each star was a person. "You see that star?" Tyler would often say "Her name is Ruby." I would smile and giggle to myself. "Why Ruby?" I would say. "Dunno, seems fitting." I could practically hear Tyler smile. "Do her eyes glow as bright as the stars?" I would ask. "Brighter than the rest." he would say, and we would just smile and continue to stare at the plastic stars, wishing they were real.  
  
I rolled over to see that the clock now read 1 am. I sighed to myself, annoyed at my now inability to sleep. I jumped up out of my bed and picked up my phone. If there was one thing that put me to sleep, it was music. I laid back down on my bed, putting in my earbuds, and going to scroll through my music. I went into my playlist labeled blurryfaced-pilot. I maybe, sorta, kind of, downloaded all of their music. I quickly pressed play and closed my phone.  
  
"Hey everyone, if anyone is actually listening. This is an original song I made and I hope you like it." blurryfaced-pilot, or Ty, coughed. "Oh, Ms Believer, my pretty sleeper. Your twisted mind is like snow on the road. Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder, inside your head than the winter of dead."  
  
I smiled to myself as I continued to stare off into the darkness. I fell asleep to the sound of Ty's voice and ukulele, and to the sound of rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I wasn't able to update last week. I had a lot of stuff going on so I didn't have enough time. I'm back though! So happy Halloween my spoopy meme kids |-/


	4. Chapter 4

I walked down the black and white roads of Columbus, Ohio. The streets zig-zagged and swirled in all directions. I looked up at the gray leaves on the darker gray trees. A world devoid of color. The sun shone white and light gray in the distance, the various grays of the sky blending in. I walked further and further down the streets, eventually making my way to the end. The road suddenly cut off, ceased to exist. I looked up from my feet on the bland, black, asphalt road, and up to see a whole forest of trees in front of me. Various shades of grays, whites, and blacks lay before me. An adventure awaits.

As I made my way into the forest I began to notice that the further I ventured, the more a deep fog began to fill the air. The more fog filled the air, the faster I travelled, determined to get wherever the forest was leading me. The fog wouldn't leave, so I started running. I ran faster and faster, somehow managing not to run into the vast expanse of trees. I ran so fast and so hard that my legs hurt. My lungs ached and I felt as if the were filling up with thick blood. I couldn't take it much longer though, as the exhaustion of my lungs and legs was too great. I collapsed, falling onto my hands and knees. I felt as if I was suffocating. I coughed, spitting out phlegm. 

Suddenly I sniffed the air, and that's when I realized, it wasn't fog. I stood up and spun around. All around me the black and white forest was ablaze with red burning fire. As my lungs filled up with smoke I began choking. I tried to cover my nose and mouth with my sleeve, but after running and breathing as much as I did, the attempt was futile. I tried to turn, to find an exit from the flames, but there was no escaping. As I turned, I tripped on a fallen branch, falling flat on my back. I looked up, but I could not see the sky, just billowing clouds of dark gray. My throat began to close up, just as my eyes did. As they fluttered closed a heard a voice whisper melodically into my ear.

"We will walk, so much slower."

I woke up with a start. My hands were shaking as I wiped my hand frantically across my sweaty forehead. I sat up, laying my head on my knees as I attempted to control my breathing. "Just a dream Josh, just a dream." I don't know why I can't ever gain control of myself while I'm not awake. I turned my head, gazing at my clock. The time read that it was five-thirty in the morning. I sighed, curling my knees into my chest, knowing I wouldn't be getting rest any time soon. I hugged myself, wrapping my arms around me so that my hands rested on my shoulders. I raked my fingernails over my shoulders, eventually digging them into my skin. "Why am I such a fuckup."

My alarm wasn't set to go off until six-forty-five, so needless to say I could leisurely get ready for school this morning. I threw off my covers and unenthusiastically rolled out of bed. Eventually I made it out to my bathroom, in desperate need of a shower after sweating so much last night. As I prepped the shower I slipped of my sweaty clothes. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror I sighed. "Stop looking like shit Josh." I climbed into the shower, letting the warm droplets envelope my shaky, unstable form. My showers always have to be hot, if not, the cold water sometimes makes me feel like I can breathe, and that I'm drowning. I hate having panic attacks in the shower, it's just makes me feel so weak.

Color protecting shampoo swirled down the drain, along with red water due to my hair. As I showered my mind always wondered. Today my thoughts were still fixated on my dream from last night. Why was the world in back and white? Why the fire? What started it? Even more puzzling was he voice. We will walk, so much slower... and then it hit me. "Oh Ms. Believer," I sang out loud to myself. Why was Ty invading my dreams, and in such an unpleasant fashion. What the fuck is going on inside of my head.

The water washed the soap that was lathered on my body. Once it was all off I shut off the water, opened the door, and stepped out onto the bathmat. I grabbed the towel drying off a bit before running the water through my hair. I gazed at myself in the mirror again, steam covering most of it. Everything in the mirror looked faded, blurry even. I looked away, it was pointless anyway. I made my way to my bedroom, leaving the towel behind. When I got there I realized my phone was still in my bead and I quickly plugged it in, wanting to have a full charge for school. I opened my drawer, getting out underwear and putting it on. Opening my closet I took out my typical outfit, shirt and shorts. Since it was going to be your typically hot California day though I decided a tank top would be my best bet.

Making my way downstairs I made myself a bowl of cereal, gazing out and watching the sunrise as I ate. I was glad I could see the world in full color. A world devoid of color was just in my head, left to awaken only as I sleep. As I gazed out on the horizon I was lost in my thoughts. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Hey Joshie," my mom said "You're up early!" "Oh, hey mom." I said. "Sleep okay Josh?" "Uhm, oh, yeah, I guess." She gazed at me worryingly. I new she was just concerned for me, but I didn't want my problems dragging her down.

I gazed off into the sunrise once more looking at the vast spectrum of colors. "I will tell you I love you, but the muffs on your ears, will cater your fears." I sang softly to myself before taking another bite. "What was that Josh?" my mom said, turning her head toward me. "Oh, it's nothing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoopsie doopsie doodles it's been a while. My life has just been crazy guys so sorry I haven't updated. I've got a YouTube channel though where I upload every week so check that out! It's ThatOneObsessedFangirl, thanky.-Kay


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